So you’re thinking about therapy. For most people, that’s a really huge step forward….and a great one, in my opinion. (‘Cause obviously any therapist would be totally stupid to say anything else otherwise.) No, but all jokes aside. I think therapy is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself and your mental well-being.
But here’s the thing. Therapy isn’t the answer to all your problems. It’s part of the solution to your problems, but it’s not the be-all-end-all answer to everything.
I can’t tell you how many people walk into my office for their first appointment and expect to have life’s answers figured out and solved in a 60-minute timeframe. When they realize this is simply not the case, I can tell by the look on their face that they are not coming back. And they don’t. And that’s really too bad, because mostly these are the people that need therapy and would benefit greatly from it.
Or, I’ve had clients tell me they were in therapy previously but nothing was changing so they stopped going. One client recently told me this and I asked him how long he had seen the therapist. His answer? Two appointments.
Sorry people. Therapy is not a magic-bullet, quick-fix solution. It just doesn’t work like that. I wish it didn’t, but it doesn’t. Therapy is a process. Sometimes, issues can be resolved in a few appointments. Other times, longer-term, regular and consistent therapy is needed for a few months. It all depends on one thing: how much work a person is willing to put in. And how dedicated they are to making changes.
And here’s another thing. As a client, it’s your job to apply the techniques and work on the goals mutually agreed upon in session; the work is not all on the therapist. Oftentimes I assign clients “homework” of sorts. The ones who do it seem to have the most success and make progress. Others stay stagnant and frustrated. I tell them it’s because they have to be willing to put in the work outside of session. Behaviors don’t change because we want them to change. We have to constantly work to change them.
The other day a woman called me around 10 in the morning. She asked if I had an appointment at noon…that same day….on her work lunch break. I’m always leery of people that need an appointment RIGHT AWAY. Why? Because I know they expect it to solve something and have an instantaneous result. Of course, I assessed for crisis and suicide risk due to her sense of immediacy and quickly got to the root of the problem: her boyfriend had told her she needed to see a therapist or he would leave her. I knew if that was her motivation for coming in, she most likely would think that one therapy session would change everything.
Changes aren’t going to happen in one therapy appointment. Changes and progress can be made with steady, consistent attendance of therapy…and applying the techniques and suggestions that are worked on in session – out of session. I tell all of my clients this: therapy is the foundation. But it’s also work. The real work is done in between appointments. I’ve seen people make positive changes, get out of ruts, recommit to failing relationships, stop using substances and get out of jobs they hated – all due to self-discovery and changes they were willing to make in their lives. It wasn’t the therapy alone: it was the combination of them willing to show up, do the work and make the changes they wanted to make.
Therapy is a commitment and one that is worth it. It’s just not a quick and easy answer. It’s one piece of a puzzle that you have to work – with your therapist – to solve.
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