I want to switch jobs, but…
I ‘m not satisfied with my relationship, but it’s okay for now.
There’s never a good time to start my own business. Maybe in a few years.
Once the kids get older, we’ll travel.
We’ll save more money once we x, y and z.
As a counselor, I hear the above phrases, or similar ones, on a daily basis. Many people come to me wanting to change something in their lives – a career they hate, a relationship they feel stuck in, or a behavior that’s simply not working for them anymore. Change is hard; the fear of the unknown often holds people back from, what I like to say, taking a leap. Often, people continue to plug along in the relationship, the job or the financial situation as they’ve been doing and eventually get frustrated.
To work through this with my clients, I have a few steps we complete in a session. If it’s a relationship they want to change, they list the pros and the cons, and we discuss them. Then I ask them this question: what’s the worst thing that could happen if the relationship ends? What’s the best thing that could happen if the relationship ends? What’s the worst thing that could happen if the relationship continues? What’s the best thing that could happened if the relationship continues? I have them describe what their life might look like in either scenario. Then we discuss the steps that need to happen to get to that end point. Another thing I always challenge my clients with is this: if you don’t do x, y, or z now, when do you think it will happen?
Recently, two good friends of mine left their long-term relationships. There were no sentinel events in either case…no affairs, no cheating, no betrayals; the relationships had simply run their course, and each respective friend knew that if they didn’t end them, they would continue on in their current and unsatisfying present form. They each took a brave step and walked away from the comfortable, the familiar, the steady, and into the scary world of the unknown. These friends don’t know each other; they live in different states. Both have said to me, on different occasions the same thing: if they didn’t make the change now, they knew they’d probably never do it. And although it’s been tough, they are glad they did.
Change is hard, tough, challenging and scary. It can also be wildly exciting, with new and different possibilities. Sometimes, we need to take that leap of faith…and ask ourselves: if not now, when?
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