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College Parents: Any of These Warning Signs Sound Familiar?

College Parents: Any of These Warning Signs Sound Familiar?

Many families are now adjusting to having a child away at college. Parents are worried about class schedules, whether Junior is getting enough nutrition and if their laundry is sorted correctly (or even done at all).

But kids are often using this situation to experiment with drugs and alcohol – in an environment where they are unaccountable for the first time (to anyone but themselves) and testing their newfound freedom.

This freedom can be okay for some, and work in the opposite direction for others. I know this because in my own clinic, I see many college students that got into some serious trouble with drugs and alcohol while away their first semester at college. Here are some warning signs that parents need to think about for their college-age children – and ones that can indicate that trouble is lurking around the corner:

  • They have excessive cash withdrawals – I can’t emphasize enough that cash withdrawals must be limited. In fact, I wrote an entire blog on this topic. Make sure your child is using a debit or credit card for purchases – and not using the good ole “I paid for the check, and everyone paid me back, Mom” excuse. Why limit the cash withdrawals? Because drug dealers – and people that supply beer – only take only cash. And cash is unaccountable.
  • They are out all the time – Of course, college is a time for exploring new relationships and establishing a social life. But if your child is out 4 or more nights a week (and not at the library), then they might be heading in a dangerous direction. Partying to excess is not “cute.” It’s dangerous.
  • They are evasive about their friends and where they go – College is a different environment, and parents are not going to be totally in the know about all of their friends and whereabouts like they were in high school. But if they are not telling you who they hang with or where they are going, then it’s time to ask who, what, where, why and when. 
  • They are skipping class – If your student is repeatedly skipping class, there are probably other issues going on, such as staying out too late, being hungover, or not having motivation or feeling overwhelmed.
  • They are sleeping all the time – It is natural for college students to keep more unconventional hours and nap in between class or to catch up for a big night out. Excessive sleeping can be a warning sign of depression or other issues, and that warrants immediate attention.

So what can you do as a parent, especially when your student is far away? Make time to engage. Arrange FaceTime dates, use Snapchat to send them pictures of the dog, and send occasional cards and care packages of their favorite things.

Above all, talk to them. Ask them not just if they are doing well in class or if they are dating anyone but ask them if they are worried or stressed about anything. Ask them how they are dealing with the pressure. Ask them if they are feeling alone, or isolated – or if they picked the right environment. Ask them directly about their drug or alcohol use. Don’t judge them at first if they tell you something, just listen. You might be surprised at their answers.

Don’t wait. If you suspect your child is in trouble, take action – and now. Insist they seek help with a local therapist that specializes in Chemical Dependency, or seek counseling at their college counseling center.

Above all, support them. Love them. And get them help – before it’s too late.

Blog Post: College Parents, Listen Up: No Cash

Blog Post: College Parents, Listen Up: No Cash

Most senior parents (like I am) are in the throes of picking out XL twin sheets, hoarding Bed Bath & Beyond coupons, planning graduation parties and trying not to bawl like a baby at every senior night event.

Aside from the hunting and gathering, there are other things to prepare yourself – and your kids for – as they prepare to leave home. The number one thing I ask parents of the college-bound is how much allowance do they plan on giving them? And how do you plan on giving it?

One friend told me her child is getting $100.00 a week. Cash. “How is she getting it?” I asked. “Why, the ATM,” she replied.

Her answer, as my daughter would say, was cringy.

Not the amount. The amount was not cringy –  heck, give your kids as much money or as little money as you think is reasonable. That’s purely a budget decision. But please, please, pretty please, this Drug Counselor begs you: do not give them access to large amounts of unaccounted cash. Period. Do Not Do It.

Why?

Because your friendly neighborhood drug dealer only accepts cash. And because the students who could potentially supply your child with large amounts of alcohol for a binge drinking night only want cash. Cash is untraceable, as is your child. So limit this option.

I see a few college students in my clinic that got in way over their heads with some serious drinking and various drug use. Luckily, there were no sentinal events, but two landed in the hospital, one is now in rehab, and all were extremely lucky. Their parents were completely unaware of the level of their partying of course, because how could they possibly keep tabs on someone that’s not under their roof 24/7?

I know, I know. You’re reading this and thinking to yourself “Oh, this won’t happen to MY kid. MY kid’s not like that.” Trust me, I get it. That’s what we all think. The aforementioned kids all came from “good” families that live in “good” neighborhoods. But here’s the thing. According to a recent study by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, almost 60 percent of college students aged 18-22 drank alcohol in the past month, and almost 2 out of 3 of them engaged in binge drinking during that same timeframe. And, in 2015, a University of Michigan study revealed that 38 percent of college students reported smoking marijuana in the past 12 months.

I plan on giving my son allowance, but he will use the credit card and debit card for most to all of his transactions. I know there are times when he will need cash, and he’ll have access to it, but it’s going to be extremely limited. And he’s going to have to account for every dime.

So please, please, add “little to no cash access” on your college kid’s list in the number one slot. This item is way more important than choosing the perfect comforter.