Blog Post: Chronicles of Private Practice, Part 6: Two Little Secrets

I have two little secrets to share with all you other therapists out there, especially those thinking of starting a private practice. I hate just giving these secrets away, but I’m going to, because they are pretty valuable, and both are something I wish someone would have shared with me before I started out.

Ready for it? Alright, then sit down. And get your egos in check, people. ‘Cause these are some tough truths I’m telling you, but you need to know them and it’s better to figure this out sooner rather than later.

Secret Number One: Not everyone is going to like you.

I’m serious. Not everyone is going to like you.

And that’s ok.

Because here’s the deal – the real deal, the one that no one told you in your expensive graduate school classes, the one that no fancy PhD research study has revealed, the one you are simply gonna have to face: You are not the right fit for everyone that walks through your door.

And that’s ok.

The entire process of therapy revolves around the therapist-client relationship. It has to feel good for both parties involved for it to work. Haven’t you ever had a client that just adored you, but you’d cringe when you’d see them on your schedule? Of course you have!

And that’s ok.

I tell everyone in their intake – especially my teens and tweens – that therapy is a two-way street. The client must feel comfortable with me, and be able to be real with me….otherwise, the whole thing just won’t work. So unless they feel that way, I don’t want to waste their time and money.

But it’s hard. It’s not easy to have someone come in for an appointment, and never call and schedule another one. At first, it hurt my feelers. And made me doubt it I was an effective therapist….and if my practice would make it.

Which leads me to Secret Number Two: It’s not about you.

If they don’t like you, than the therapy process most likely won’t work. And that’s not about you. That’s about the client, and what they need. Maybe the therapy process scared them. Maybe there simply wasn’t the comfort level on their end. Or, maybe it was a good-old fashioned case of Secret Number One.

And that’s ok.

Early in my practice, I saw a client for one session, and never heard from her again. In my opinion, it was a good session (I can usually tell if the session is not working, or the client and I simply aren’t gelling). I was somewhat perplexed that she never called back. My SOP is to give a client after the intake one shout-out (via text or email), then leave them alone if they don’t respond. She never responded, so I thought, well, ok, it most likely wasn’t about me, I just wasn’t a good fit.

Don’t get me wrong. Even if I know I’m not the right fit or someone never comes back after the initial intake, I wonder if they went elsewhere, or I ruminate over the session, wondering if I said something that offended the client or if didn’t ask the right questions. But then, I focus on my clinic full of clients that I do serve, that have seen me for multiple appointments, and are happy enough to refer me to others. At the end of the day, I only want what’s best for my clients. And if that’s not me, then I truly hope they find the right fit for themselves, and get the help they need.

That client I thought clicked? She eventually called me back….for a couple’s session! Seems that was more of what she wanted and needed.

And that’s ok.

I hope these secrets are helpful. If you have any little secrets that you’d like to share about your private practice, I’d love to hear them!